I am enough
I was thinking, should I drink a glas of wine with my wife or not, in celebration of finishing assemblying a office table yesterday evening? This was the question which ran the entire day yesterday in my head. And the answer is, yes, I think I should.
We all strugle daily with such questions, because within ourselves we strive for perfection. We are attracted to it, like a moth to a flame, and many times this cause is great dissconfort because the realization is that perfection is unatainable. It is the ideal to which we all thrive but many times we burn ourselves in the process of trying to get it. What is to be done then?
How about, stop trying to achieve perfection, and start working in defining and nurturing the best version of who we can be? When you feel inside you that you are “doing you“, there is little in this world that can shatter that belief. Now you can do it in small steps, like learning to run a marathon, or you can decide that following the steps of David Goggins(Can’t hurt me , Never Finished) or Michael Easter (The Comfort Crisis) is the best way for you. There is no right or wrong in building the best version of you with which you are happy with. That translates into every aspect of our lives, which brings me back to my dilema yesterday, should I drink a glas of wine? (notice that one glas, not the bottle :) )
Like all of us, I tried all my life to adapt myself to the environment around me. Starting from religion, following my advice from my family, likes and dislikes, behaving in a certain way and so on. That, even though on the short term brings us benefits, because we get a sense that we belong (unconditional love is something which we all want to feel), damages our true self on the long term. Our sense of being part of someting is more important for us than our selves. Sooner or later we start fighting this unconscious feeling through the means at our disposal: drink too much coffee, start eating / drinking too much or doing drugs etc. We search means of escaping the reality which we ourselves have build over the years. And get more and more the feeling that we are not worthy, that we cannot quit our bad habbit, we cannot better our way, we have no other option. At least this is what everything around you tries to tell you.
Let the world tell you whatever it wants. Take a pen and paper go somewhere where you can be with your thoughts and write who you are and what defines you. Be sincere with yourself, listen to your own inner voice and elucidate what do you want to do. Ignore the noise and how other perceive you and write You. When you know you, do you think what others will say or think about you will matter? Do yourself a favour and make that first step. You might be surprised how things start to look like after you have refined a definition of yourself. Path chosen might not be easy, might not fit your current Job, your current friends, maybe your own family but don’t let that discourage you. If someone dislikes you for who you are really worth having around?
After a disscussion with my dear friends Christian and Leonora regarding coffee and listening to the Tee preferences of Frau Bossek, the Manager of my daughters Kindergarten, it came to me. I like to drink coffee in the morning with my wife. I like to have a glass of wine once in a while. I like having a beer with my dear friends while talking and joking like we are 16 years old. These are things that bring me joy and make me feel good. Of course, the possibility presents itself, to drink 10 coffees in a day, or maybe drink a bottle of wine or a box of Beer. If that hurts me, raises my heart rate, makes me feel bad the next day should I do it? Of course not and I can say no at anytime, just because I can decide what is good for me or not. And so do you!
One sensitive question still sticks in my mind. If my faith prohibits me from the things I want , what should I do? That is a good question and a hard one to answer because, as I mentioned previously, religion is a very personal matter. My answer to this is, when you will face Him, what version of yourself do you think He will like to see? A version build on the opinions of other people or the best version of you that you could craft in your days here? It lies within you and only within you to build it with best of your abilities. Isn’t this better to have in front of Someone who knows everything about you?
Be honest with yourself, strive to better yourself every day, find your own path in life and be happy.
He loves you just the way you are so stop pretending being someone else.
Until next time, with all my love,
Scrob-Nica Septimiu-Iulian / Iisus / Timi / Reza (Name is irelevant ;) )